5 Years Ago

This time of year is my favorite.  Not just because of the holidays, but because within two months we have three birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and we celebrate Christ's birth.  It seems like something happens every year at this time that causes me to be truly grateful.  My two best Christmas presents have been my babies.  They have both arrived at the holiday season.  December is a month full of emotional memories for us.  We celebrated Sidney's birthday two days ago, always a fun occasion, and today we celebrate Jayden's homecoming.  The Christmas season always reminds me not only of Christmas, but of birthdays, being hugely pregnant, and newborn babies.  All good memories, and I love that I can associate it with my favorite holiday. 

I haven't written much about this on my blog, so a five year commemoration felt like a good thing to do.  Five years ago today our lives changed completely.  After five weeks and two days our first baby was released from the hospital.  He was born eight weeks early, and when he was born all the doctors could say was that he would most likely be out by his due date, which was just before Christmas, but there were no promises.  Those were the longest five weeks of my life, but we feel fortunate that he was only in the hospital for five weeks.  And now it's been five years.  I know it could have been worse.  We saw babies in the NICU who had been in there for months.  Every day got longer and longer for us.  After a couple of weeks of sitting by his cribside from morning until night, not being able to hold him, listening to those awful beeping heart monitors, not wanting to leave him there every night, I didn't know if I'd be able to get through.  Not knowing when it would end was one of the hardest parts because it got to a point where I thought it never would.  Each week felt like a year.

It was such a crazy time in our life.  Josh was in his last semester of college.  Jayden had been sent to a hospital 4 hours away.  Josh missed a lot of school, but his professors were extremely understanding and extended his deadlines for him.  There were two times we had to go back to Rexburg in those 5 weeks.  Once for my doctor appointment and again so we could have a small break for my birthday.  That was so hard, I can't even tell you.  We knew he was in good hands, but it was still hard going even just a couple of days without being able to see him.Josh had to go back more often than me for school, but he was more than willing to miss class to be able to stay with us.  He was there in Salt Lake with us a majority of those 5 weeks, doing homework from there, and going back to Rexburg only when he had to for work or tests. 

About two or three days before he was released they told us to get ready for it.  We were in shock.  Excited, nervous, scared, overwhelmed.  We didn't tell anyone except for my aunt, who we were staying with in Salt Lake.  We didn't want to curse it, so no one knew we had brought him home until after we had him safely in the car with us.  Since he had been transferred to Salt Lake from Rexburg when he was four days old, we'd been living with my generous aunt and uncle.  It was snowing when we left the hospital.  I climbed in the back seat next to Jayden, my eyes barely leaving his face all bundled up under his soft baby blue blanket.  I can't tell you how nervous we were now that he didn't have monitors to tell us if he was still breathing or if his heart was still beating.  Josh drove extra cautiously as we headed for our first stop at my Grandma Lou's house.  We surprised her, and it also happened to be my grandpa's 91st birthday, so Jayden got to meet a few family members.  Then we started calling our family members to tell them the good news.

I sat in the back seat of the car for the entire 4 hour ride home.  It was December, and if you've ever driven from Salt Lake to Rexburg in the middle of winter, you know what I'm talking about.  The roads were bad.  So much snow.  It was one of the scariest drives of my life.  We had been in worse snow storms, but having a little 5 pound baby next to me left me hanging on the edge of my seat. 

I'm not huge into the Thanksgiving holiday.  But I do have much to be thankful for.  So today I'm feeling extra grateful for the last 5 years I've had with Jayden. There are days he gets on my nerves, days I'm just so ready to rush him out the door to preschool, days I've had my last straw with him, and I find myself forgetting how I felt when I looked at my helpless little newborn, wanting so badly to be able to hold him in my arms and not being able to.  I hate how fast he's growing up. I wish for a split second I could hold that little baby again.  But then I remember how close we came to not being able to hold him at all.  My doctor told me if we had arrived at the hospital an hour later, he probably wouldn't have made it, and he wasn't even breathing when he was born.  Our last five years could have been completely different.  Can you see why I love this month?  So much to be thankful for.

He was as wide as a dollar bill, for size comparison.

Life Flight

We spent at least 8-12 hours a day with him. 

 

Our first Christmas with Jayden, 3 weeks out of the hospital.